This is an untold truth that I’ve only recently realized.
You mean these college degrees and steadfast work ethic don’t equal success?! You mean to tell me that I did all of this to end up here? Wait, but what happened? I don’t understand.
Somebody Clearly Lied to Me…
I have always (and I mean always) been extremely determined to be successful. I didn’t necessarily know what that meant, but I knew I was going have it. So, I worked like crazy and set many goals for myself. I figured out a game plan (which pretty much consisted of: go to school, get good grades, get a degree, work hard, then lead a life of success). Though I hadn’t really witnessed what I would consider to be a success story, I somehow thought I knew the blueprint towards accomplishing it (makes perfect sense, right?).
Then when it didn’t go the way that I anticipated, I fell…hard. I looked at my life and saw nothing but my downfalls. Yes, I had much to be thankful for however, that wasn’t my focus. All I could ask myself was “How in the world have I been so dedicated to only end up here? Is this really my life?” I would literally go to work and be angry…simply because I was there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to feel like you’ve done everything “the right way” but you still ended up living a life that’s unfulfilling and depressing? Then you take that situation and add the fact that your friends and family think you’re crazy for feeling the way you do. Why? Because in their eyes you are the exact definition of success.
While this is a certainly compliment, it’s also terrifying. Is this really success? Help me…
Some people call this a “harsh reality”. I called this something much more vulgar that I’ll refrain from saying right now (woosah Tiffany, woosah). That term doesn’t even graze the surface of what I was experiencing.
I have to say I did an amazing job at hiding my misery. People were completely oblivious to how I felt. In a sense, I mastered the art smiling when I really wanted to cry. On the outside I was upbeat and energetic. On the inside, I was angry at myself, my family and God. I questioned every decision I had ever made. I was doubtful, confused and livid. How did I get here?
An Eye-Opening Discovery
But why? At the time, I obviously didn’t know the answer to this question. I now know it had everything to do with the fact that I was confusing two terms: success and accomplishment.
In my mind, I did what I was supposed to do to be successful. I followed that blueprint to success that I mapped out in my teens perfectly. So what went wrong? Well, nothing. That map outlined clear directions that accurately led me from point A to point B. I just had the destination wrong. Those things weren’t leading me to success. They were leading me to my accomplishments.
I can proudly and humbly say that I am accomplished. When I set out to do something, I put my blood, sweat and tears into it (literally) and accomplish that goal. It was my belief (and many others) that this road map led to prosperity. Unfortunately, this is not the case.
I was so upset with the state of my life because I didn’t understand this. I didn’t understand that there was a difference between the two. I thought that being successful and being accomplished were one in the same. This. Is. Not. True. Achievement simply allows you to check something off of a “to-do” list that you’ve created for yourself. Success is a state of mind. Success brings happiness and fulfillment. Success is derived when you’re doing something for the betterment of YOU (not solely for your boss or someone else). Success is when you have a clear understanding of who you are. Success considers you in totality…not highlights of various points of your life. Success is when you’re happy.
This is not to say that the two terms don’t intertwine at all. It simply means that they are independent ideas that may or may not share a few characteristics.
…and Then There was Light
When I realized there was a huge difference between the two, I started creating another blueprint with the correct destination in mind. I cannot stress to you how pivotal it was for me to realize this. I immediately had a better understanding of where I went wrong. I immediately understood why I was so displeased. All my life I focused on my accomplishments and not myself as an individual. I didn’t hone in on any hobbies or participate in anything that represented me. I didn’t learn myself. I failed to grow into myself. I didn’t have time for that. I didn’t have time for me. I was too busy accomplishing things that were leading me to an unknown destination.
Now, here I am focusing on the things that I enjoy…things that represent me and I’m finally starting to feel successful. Other than obtaining a better understanding of this concept, nothing else has changed in my life. My bank account looks the same, my job is the same and my home life is the same. Yet, I feel rejuvenated! I’m getting to know myself and most importantly, I’m beginning to realize my purpose.
Now, please don’t get me wrong. I’d be outright lying if I said that all I see is rainbows and unicorns now. I still have my moments where I question all that is life and complain about this, this and that. But I always catch myself and remember that I’m headed for greatness. I’m not simply sitting back obsessing over what went wrong. I’m working towards becoming who I am meant to be and that feels amazing.
Though it wasn’t what I expected it to be, I am certainly grateful for my accomplishments. I am where I am because of them. But now it’s time for me to reroute and go where I’m destined to be.
Success is about YOU…not your accomplishments. Many of us are out here depressed wondering how we got here simply because we’re confusing these two terms. Accomplishments are great but don’t forget about you along the way.
So, have you been confusing success with achievement? Is it time for you to reroute? What makes you happy? What makes you, you? What are you going to do for YOU?
I love this! This makes me feel as If I’m not alone. I put so much effort and time into other things but do not think about myself at times. I have to regain my focus on the things that makes me happy as well.
I think it’s easy for all of us to get so caught up in everyday life that we forget about tending to our TRUE selves in the process. I’m glad you’re thinking about what it’s going to take for you to refocus! You’ve already mastered Step 1. =)
Great blog post! Definitely helped me put some things into perspective. I look forward to future posts!
Welcome Nica! I’m so happy that you found some value in this post! Sometimes all it takes is a change in perspective to completely change things around. =)
There’s going to be a ton of fun taking place on this site! Make sure you hit the “Join Our FREE Empowerment Group” button at the top of the page so you never miss a post (…and Share, Share, share!).
I love your new blog,Very good job Tiff
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Now make sure you hit that “Join Our FREE Empowerment Group” at the top of the page so you can stay on top of each post. =)
Well… Where do I begin? First of all, Tiffany, VERY GOOD BLOG… I am proud of you. This may not be the correct forum to say this, but it is obvious you are my Daughter 🙂 … You speak about life in terms of two of the most misunderstood words we encounter as we grow; success and accomplishments. You are 100% correct. There is a big difference between the two, and yes, the can, and hopefully DO intertwine at some point in your life, but it is up to each individual to define what accomplishments in their mind will bring forth that “Happiness” you speak of. I have discovered that “Happiness” is elusive; it evolves over time; what pleases us, or helps us get out of the bed at 20, simply doesn’t “do it” for us at 40, definitely not at 50. As I approach my 55th birthday in a couple of day, I have realized that I too, had to rediscover what ingredients in my life would make up that wonderful dish called “Happiness”. I also discovered it would require making some tough choices along the way, but I have also decided it was time to go down that path while I was still able to physically stand on my own two feet, and get to moving. This blog spoke to my situation, and I am sure you will reach quite a few people with your insight and sense of humor (Woosah?) I can relate. I wont say “Good Luck” Daughter… Instead I will say this: When you get to that place where YOUR Happiness resides, move in immediately, setup shop, and enjoy; but don’t forget to enjoy the journey; and when you have a moment, sit on the edge of that place, hold those you love and have journeyed with you close, and thank God for the gift of vision, and the strength to get to that place in one piece, and in your right mind… I love you… Daddy…
Thank you, thank you, thank you for such a thoughtful response! Our individual concept of “happiness” may evolve over time, but our natural instinct to attain it is everlasting. It’s interesting, though we are all very different people with a wide range of thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc., we all all have the commonality of simply wanting to be happy. While many of us spend years looking for it in all the wrong places, we are fortunate to have forums like the amazing world of Trust What’s Next to spark some much needed dialogue. These conversations almost force us to reflect on our decision-making and enable us to relish in that word of happiness that we’ve wanted for oh so long.
As you advised me to setup shop in my happy place, I’m asking that you do the same. Every single one of us deserves to say “I’m happy” with no reservations. The time is NOW for all of us…get ready!
I love you too… =)
PS… I Subscribed 🙂
WELL DONE BABY GIRL !!! ok. I woke up the other day, I mean that I WOKE UP. I too realized that I was not “HAPPY” not even content. I had always found my happiness in making others happy. I suddenly realize that i was tired of not thinking of myself. It is now time for me to think of me. Thanks for opening the door. Love you madly.
Sometimes all it takes is one person to hold the door open in order for the masses to feel comfortable enough to walk through it. =)
In order for our outlook to improve, we HAVE to think about ourselves. I think that for so long we’ve been taught that being selfish is such a negative thing that we fail to think about ourselves even when that’s what’s best. You’re going to be just fine! You just have to believe that to be true…
I love you too! =)
Well..as I approach my retirement Year really soon, I too find myself asking what have I done to make me HAPPY?? That answer comes up blank..? All my life I always been the one to try to fix everyone problem.The one my girls come to when they want or need something..Now I feel Ike it’s my turn to be Happy!! Will that be too much to ask? Will ai hurt feelings on the way?? I just feel Ike it’s my turn now and I will go full force with it! Of course with my support group, one being you Tiffany..Reading this blog gives me hope and encouragement that I can be happy and find who I really am and not what others want or need me to be!!?
Oh Jan, I hate hearing that you have neglected to make yourself happy throughout the years but I’m happy that you’re realizing that you need to do something about it now. It is definitely your turn! You are an amazing woman, mother, MiMi, wife, friend, confidant…Stop worrying about other people’s feelings. Of course that doesn’t mean that you should just become an outright winch (do people still say that?), but it does mean that it’s time for you to remember that YOU ARE IMPORTANT too. Do something for you! You deserve it… =)
I’m glad you like the blog. I hope you continue to find some things here that are encouraging, uplifting, and fun! Don’t forget to click the “Join Our FREE Empowerment Group” at the top of the page so you never miss a post.
Hey tiff, I guess you was my confirmation this morning!!!! Thank you for sharing this post, you really help me with whats on my mind and the decisions I need to make.
Yes Roe, it is ” time to do you.” You have always taken on other people’s issues and tried to save the world. It is now time for us to remember who we are and to concentrate on some, if not all, of our own desires
Hi Rochelle! Welcome to Trust What’s Next… =)
I can’t even begin to describe how happy I am that this post helped you in some way! I’m honored. That’s the entire premise behind this website, so thank you for stopping by.
Be sure to click “Join Our FREE Empowerment Group” at the top of the page so you don’t miss a post. I’m confident that you won’t be disappointed.